Residential Evil: Crapocalypse

I just saw Resident Evil: Apocalypse on HBO. I expected it to be a crappy movie (considering the overall shittiness of the first one), but this was worse than I could have imagined. I’m really glad I never seen it in the theater, and I didn’t waste money for the rental. There are only two redeemable features of this movie: Mila Jovovich and Mila Jovovich kicking ass.

She actually is the single person on the cast who can actually act. The first movie at least had Michelle Rodriguez. Mila and Michelle basically carried that movie, and made it watchable. And at least Michelle was in full combat gear in the first movie. We didn’t get to see much skin, but hey – at least they made an attempt to make it look realistic. Mila still did high kick in heels but she was the leading lady so I guess that’s forgivable due to the coolness factor they were trying to work.

In the second movie, the second in command in the hot-chick-kicking-ass is Sienna Guillory. While she is attractive, she is nowhere near as good actress as Mila and it shows. Maybe left on her own Sienna could pass for a moderate actress, but when standing next to the freakin Joan of Ark she just comes off wooden.

And what the hell is with these outfits? In the last movie Mila had a good excuse to run around in Heels and a mini. Here we have both tough agent chick and Mila wearing skimpy, restraining clothes by choice. If you were going to fight zombies wouldn’t you wear thick (to stop the biting) but comfortable jeans rather than a miniskirt?

They of course had to put in a token black guy in there too. I think he the single black person with any lines, and he is mostly used for comic relief.

Mila is the star of the show and she simply make everyone around her look like an amateur high school drama club. I’m actually amazed that she could actually emote anything with a script this bad. And yet she does a great job. She is a pleasure to watch, as usual. She is simply too good for a movie like this.

I really hope she will get some more ambitious roles in the future. She should definitely get out of the next installment of Resident Evil. But they probably won’t let her. By now she basically defines the franchise and they will milk it till it runs dry.

She also might be doing another RE like movie called Ultraviolet. I think it will be really, really bad movie, but I might be wrong. The Fade Out movie looks intriguing, but chances are that Billy Bob will ruin it and they will reduce Mila to love interest / token character… I think they should drop Thornton from that one and give the lead role to Mila. She can play these unhinged characters really well – just watch the The Messenger.


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